Ohio:1 Chris:0

Yup, I'm losing to Ohio. My good friend Melissa told me that she and her family will probably be moving back to Ohio (where she and her husband are from). Andy will probably take a job somewhere over there so that if things continue doing badly at Delphi, they won't have to go down with the ship. I always wondered if this day would come. I mean, both of their parents are still in Ohio, along with everyone they grew up with, went to college with, etc. I guess I just didn't really believe it until now.

Melissa is very different from me in some ways. Most notably, she is much more inclined to listen than to talk. It took me being friends with her for at least 2 or 3 years before I started feeling like I knew her at all. I know that even now, there's so much I don't know of her. But I thought I would have years and years to work on that. And I guess I know that our friendship won't end just because she's moving. But it will be very different and I wasn't prepared for that.

I hate it when things like this happen, because I'm usually confronted by how much I take things (relationships, health, security) for granted. I've really been working on improving in this area, but after she told me, I realized how far I still have to go.

I'm really sad.

And what's even worse than being sad is that I still feel incapable of expressing it to her. I told her I was sad, but I just don't know how to tell her how much she's meant to me all these years and how much I've learned from my friendship with her. I could maybe write and tell her, but I don't know that it would be enough, you know? I don't know if I could aptly express all the things I'll be mourning when she leaves.

She and I have gotten to a point where we can talk pretty easily about lots of personal, important things. But in all these years, I feel like we haven't gotten as close *emotionally*. I don't know why that is and I've never stopped to analyze it before. But now that she won't be here, all I can think is "I want more time." I can't even figure out...how to explain it here, where there's no one to actually speak it to, just a computer screen and little type-letters. If there was anywhere I'd expect to be able to work it out, it would be here.

Maybe it's not that I can't, maybe I just don't want. Maybe I don't want to admit that I could've tried harder. I was taking the long and easier way to get to know her. This friendship with her is the first one I've ever had to work at. She is not as expressive as most people I'm friends with, and that was hard for me to get around, especially in the beginning when I was much less secure and confident. The first year we were friends, I couldn't even tell if she liked me. However, even when it hasn't felt natural, it has so been worth it. She is such a true and loyal friend, and I never have to wonder if she's bending the truth. She tells it like it is. I guess I'm mostly regretting that I haven't taken more initiative to deepen our friendship.

At least now I know that just because a person isn't as open as I am, doesn't mean that they don't like me. I've learned that getting to know a person isn't meant to take only weeks. I've learned that even when life gets so busy I can't see a friend for awhile, she will still be my friend when I see her again.

What a disjointed thought process I have. And one that is just reeking of denial. Oh goodie, something new to work on!

Hope for the best and pray like crazy.

Well, that's two of my friends now who have reported kids with croup-like symptoms. Normally this is the part where my hypochondria rears it's panicky head. So far I'm feeling better than normal. I've actually only been marginally worried bordering on the dismissive side. I've been able to actually feel sorry for their little kids instead of feeling obsessed over mentally listing every time one of my kids has touched them in the last couple of days.

Croup can be very scary, especially at night.

We're also supposed to go see Phil Keaggy on Wednesday.

So I can only assume that God is helping me bring this verse to fruition:

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Tonight I'm making biscuits and gravy...and I need to get started because it's also BIBLE STUDY NIGHT!!

Btw, I picked my verse for the first half of February:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

My Manicure--Part 2 As Long as the Baby Stays Asleep

Ooh, he's already awake as I begin to type. And while it's true that I've become quite good at the One-Handed Type (and with either hand--how ambidextrous of me!) I still much prefer using both hands. So we'll see how much of the story I get through.

Perhaps not. Holding and typing is one thing. Nursing and typing is too much for me to finish a whole story. I think I'll let it die. Suffice it to say, I did get my nails done, they were beautiful, and I'm definitely going back soon. After all, I only used half of my gift certificate.

Perhaps next time I'll transfer my attentions to enthralling tales of being housebound with my darlings for two days. If you can believe it, they spent most of the past 48 hours at least half naked while "the biggest winter storm Indiana has seen in over ten years" has blanketed our town. Evidently their bodies think they were born on a tropical island somewhere. Either that, or I have the heater and the humidifier up too high.

And to all a goodnight.

My 25 Random Things

25. I love organizing and decorating.
24. I love reading, esp MM Kaye stuff
23. I have a cat named Daphne, who I tolerate b/c my daughter loves her.
22. It turns out, I don't much like owning cats.
21. I really like peanut butter (and sometimes jelly) sandwiches. I usually eat about 5 per week.
20. I love singing.
21. I also really like singing while playing piano.
18. I evidently can't count backwards.
17. I am studying Esther and love it.
16. I love Beth Moore Bible studies b/c she makes you work & think hard. And b/c she's really fun.
15. My husband is a lot more romantic than he lets on.
14. I am a very happy wife.
13. My kids are even cuter than everyone says.
12. They are also very good at making me angry enough to yell.
11. I like it when my house is quiet.
10. I am learning to do the dishes before they take up every inch of counter space I have.
9. My husband is a MUCH better cook than I am.
8. But I make baked goods better (pst--it's because I love to eat them)
7. I love to hang out with my brother and sister.
6. My mom and I sound identical when we laugh, to the point of eeriness.
5. I am so glad that God saved Matt.
4. I love to write.
3. I love to tell stories, esp funny ones.
2. I love words in general.
1. I want to be a Women of Faith speaker when I grow up.

I could've done so many more than the requested 25, but no one likes a show-off. Besides, I gotta leave some things to the imagination.

My Manicure--Part 1

Back in August when I was still very pregnant and awaiting Dawson's arrival, Matt had to work nights putting in the lovely floors at a new nail salon. I've gotten used to him working at night from time to time, but what was unexpected this time was just how long these nights were. He was supposed to be getting home around midnight, and it turned into 4am or 5am. Now, I know that I wouldn't have been seeing him during these hours anyway, but seeing as how as was very pregnant and expecting to go into labor at any moment, I wasn't exactly happy when he called me to break the news. However, the owner was saavy. Immediately after telling the guys they'd be working some unpaid overtime, he also told them (before they had a chance to call their wives) that once the salon opened, their wives would be given free manicures and pedicures. How cool is that? So for the last several months I've been hoarding my gift certificate, waiting until I felt Dawson was old enough (and I was brave enough) to leave him with Matt and the kids for awhile.

It's Bible Study Day!

I'm so excited about this new Bible study. Back when I was reading the LPM blog about this Esther study, I didn't really think I was gonna have the opportunity to do anytime soon, but here we are. Was that a run-on sentence? Hm...no, I don't care, even if it is.

Dawson is sitting in his seat humming with distress. It's actually very cute, so it's unfortunate that he usually does it as a prelude to crying. Well, this time might be different. I just looked at him and it looks like he might be trying to communicate with the Sesame Street puppets on TV, Oscar at the moment. It's hard telling, but he doesn't look upset, just intense.

And Kellar, silly boy, is under the chairs by our front door so he can soak up all the heat coming up through the ducts. Only his little head is sticking out, oh wait, no, he pulled that in, too. I know I'm grossly biased, but my children are so cute.

(Let it be said that the last statement was made while no one was fighting. Or screaming. Sesame Street rocks. God bless the makers of that wonderful institution who makes sanity possible for parents everywhere.)

Back to the Bible study. The countdown to escape time has begun. Around 4pm on Mondays I start feeling like a kid on Christmas Eve. Only two more hours 'til Bible Study!! So thus it is this Monday. No matter what craziness awaits me when I'm done, it has been worth it every time.

Ah, another worthy child-moment. Kellar is now "reading" (as only a 2 year can) an Elmo book to the baby. Although I think the special-ness has been lost on Dawson, whose humming has escalated to "ooh"ing as perhaps my final warning to get off the computer.

That's all right. Just...1 hour and 42 minutes left. *Wide grin*

Naptime Talks

Right before he's supposed to be going to sleep at naptime, Chandler (5 years old) and I have the following brief conversation:

Chandler: Mom, I don't ever want to get married. Wanna know why?...blech (with appropriate facial expression) gross.

Me: Oh, well, you might change your mind when you get older.

Chandler: Yeah, because sometimes boys find out girls are pretty when they get bigger. And then they want to marry them.

Me: (trying to look serious) Right.

(Chandler nods sagely. A few moments pass, then...)

Chandler: And you know what? I wish I was a balloon. You know why?

Me: No. Why?

Chandler: Because balloons are cool. I want to be lots of things, like animals. Animals are cool. Horses run, dogs bark, it's not fair.

Me: Go to sleep Chandler.