Sunday, May 31, 2009

Goals for Summer 2009

I'm writing about my goals here for two reasons:

1)I'm hoping it will give me a greater sense of accountability and I'll actually accomplish (ooh, alliteration!) a few of them.
2)I know how much you all dote on knowing the tedious details of my life.

On we go.

In no particular order...just how they popped into my head.

1)Be able to run a mile
2)Be able to bike 3 miles easily
3)Set up a homeschool schedule/curriculum for Chandler's kindergarten year
4)Set up and put into use a budget and saving plan
5)Be involved in paying the bills (I suffer lamentably from plausible deniability)
6)Get a dental check up (I hate going to the dentist. I know I'm not alone in my dislike, but I really should be a big girl and do it.)
7)Read through the Bible (You know, not just the easy parts)
8)Find a system/Get back in the groove of keeping my house tidy and cleaned (Yes, I know that's bad grammar. My English teacher mom would pitch a fit)
10)Paint/re-paint all doors, door jambs, and hallways
11)Do the summer reading program with the kids at our local library
12)Pick the next ladies' Bible study
13)Get all children sleeping through the night in their beds
14)Get Nadia sleeping w/o a diaper
15)Start/(dare I hope)finish potty training Kellar
16)Get Chandler & Nadia's eyes checked
17)Go to bed @ 11:30pm and get up @ 6:30am (eek!)
18)Go on at least 4 dates with Matt (Thank you Sasha for the inspiration)
19)Cut down on cokes
20)Drink more water

So later, when I refer to one or more items on the list, don't say I didn't inform you.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

My turn-around...I guess.

In Beth Moore's Esther study, she uses her bird dog Beanie to illustrate how God moves us sometimes. Beth says that sometimes she and her husband and Beanie will be going for a walk and the dog will stop, frozen, in "full point" (evidently a bird dog term for what they do when they see a squirrel). Until Keith (her husband) picks Beanie up (still frozen) and turns her in another direction, she can't move forward. Her full attention is on that squirrel and she can't see what she's supposed to be doing (walking) because of it.

That's not how Beth said it, but it's the basic story. She compared this to how God will sometimes have to pick us up and do the same thing, because we're "stuck" someplace.

That happened to me this week. I guess. I'm still kind of wondering how I could've been in the wrong place and not known it. It came as such a shock for me, because it wasn't anything glaring and sinful.

One of my friendships ended, against my desire, and for reasons that seem to me ridiculous at best and conniving at worst.

How many times in a few days can you ask God "why?" It seems He doesn't have a limit, which is a good thing.

Finally after it seemed there was no other option, I knelt down (I have to admit, I don't usually kneel when I pray, but it seemed fitting) and gave up. I asked God to help me release the situation and the friendship. I prayed I would be able to get over it--both for my own healing and for the sake of my poor husband and mother, who have been my sounding board as everything was going down.

Early on, when I didn't know the friendship was ending, when I didn't know that it was more than just a rabid misunderstanding, my husband said "why does this feel like a breakup?" And upon much deep thought while I waited for the kids to fall asleep at naptime, I realized that it *did* feel like a breakup.

In high school, it seemed like a frequent type of breakup was as follows:

Nice girl who doesn't like to hurt feelings, but doesn't like current boyfriend
Boyfriend who doesn't want to believe that it's over, despite overwhelming evidence
Long, drawn out breakup with many awkward interactions until it's "over"

As I sat pondering this, I found myself hoping I wasn't the dumb boyfriend.

But if you have to ask...??

* * * * * * *

On my way home from Ohio last night, I was indulging in one of the few secular artists that I listen to and was struck by the lyrics to the song "Many the Miles" (I'll bet you could've guessed the title without my help).

I do what i can wherever i end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause i've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And i'm better for that

How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and i'll be happy to follow you Love

* * * * * * *

A friend at Bible study comforted me unknowingly when she told me the story of the boll weevils. Evidently they destroyed all the cotton crops of a southern region of our country during the Great Depression. Instead of despairing(or perhaps despairing only for a few days?), the farmers turned to different kinds of crops that could withstand the boll weevils. The farmers turned a better profit from these different crops than the cotton had before.

So the moral is that we should thank God for our boll weevil experiences...which is what I was trying to say way back at the beginning of this wild ride (that is, if there are any of you who are left). I guess my analogies go better at night when the children are asleep and quiet.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Month (okay, two months) of Lost Good Intentions

This will be a short post. But a post nonetheless.

Since my last post, where I proudly preened my clean house peacock feathers, my entire family--yes, including myself-- has been sick for a total of 5 weeks. I've been to the emergency room twice (once Easter morning and once a week later in the middle of the night...both for sick children). I've been to the doctor once and found out that if I'd only had a code word, I probably wouldn't have had to go to the emergency room at all. Drat. I went through almost an entire container of Lysol wipes. I prayed for spring to come and sickness to flee. I claimed these verses as my own:

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and He answered me by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid, what can man (viruses) do to me? The LORD is with me; He is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies (sickness).

Psalm 118: 5-7 (slightly altered)

My home fell back apart. My routines crumbled. Even two weeks after my sickness had departed, my voice was still gone and I took long naps in the afternoons in order to make it 'til bedtime. Even today, four weeks after the initial Month of Sickness, my singing voice isn't entirely healed. My range is crap. I'm living in the hope that God still has plans for me that involve my singing, even if it's just being able to sing along to the Sound of Music with my kids.

This week I'm finally feeling some stirrings of returned motivation. I'm actually typing a post, right? My new verse is this:

The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.

Isaiah 58:11

Dearie me, let's hope so.