4 years old-- Scrunch up face and sing-song 3 inches from baby's face "heeeyyy, babybabybabybaby! It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!"
8 years old-- Insist that you're old enough to comfort the baby. Gaining possession of said baby, bounce her like a rag doll. Upon receiving further instruction, proceed to bounce baby stiffly, while trying to support her head.
12 years old-- Call out "Mom, can you get the baby to quit crying? I'm on the phone!"
16 years old-- Walk bawling baby hopelessly through the house, hoping the pay is worth this.
20 years old-- Mutter something about how cute she is and hand baby hastily back to her mother.
24 years old-- Bounce her stiffly while trying to support her head and wondering if she can wait to nurse until you get home
28 years old-- Bounce baby expertly, while swaying, swooping and talking on the phone to your sister.
32 years old-- Hand her to your older child and instruct her in the art of head-holding whilst bouncing. ...Rescue baby and resume bouncing expertly while cooking dinner.
36 years old-- Demonstrate how to properly bounce a wailing baby, then hand her back to her mother.
40 years old-- Become oblivious to everything but the fact that your teenager is using her newest electrical device in the church service.
44 years old-- Grin at all the wailing babies you come across, thinking wistfully of when your kids were babies.
48 years old-- Start hoping for grandchildren to bounce.
This is based loosely on my own time line. I started kinda young... I was thrilled to share my bouncing skills with another (even younger!) mama this morning. It obviously got me thinking.
2 days ago