Sunday, December 20, 2009

How to Soothe a Baby...

...When you're:

4 years old-- Scrunch up face and sing-song 3 inches from baby's face "heeeyyy, babybabybabybaby! It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!"

8 years old-- Insist that you're old enough to comfort the baby. Gaining possession of said baby, bounce her like a rag doll. Upon receiving further instruction, proceed to bounce baby stiffly, while trying to support her head.

12 years old-- Call out "Mom, can you get the baby to quit crying? I'm on the phone!"

16 years old-- Walk bawling baby hopelessly through the house, hoping the pay is worth this.

20 years old-- Mutter something about how cute she is and hand baby hastily back to her mother.

24 years old-- Bounce her stiffly while trying to support her head and wondering if she can wait to nurse until you get home

28 years old-- Bounce baby expertly, while swaying, swooping and talking on the phone to your sister.

32 years old-- Hand her to your older child and instruct her in the art of head-holding whilst bouncing. ...Rescue baby and resume bouncing expertly while cooking dinner.

36 years old-- Demonstrate how to properly bounce a wailing baby, then hand her back to her mother.

40 years old-- Become oblivious to everything but the fact that your teenager is using her newest electrical device in the church service.

44 years old-- Grin at all the wailing babies you come across, thinking wistfully of when your kids were babies.

48 years old-- Start hoping for grandchildren to bounce.

This is based loosely on my own time line. I started kinda young... I was thrilled to share my bouncing skills with another (even younger!) mama this morning. It obviously got me thinking.


Anonymous said...

Cute... I'd say you hit it dead on. :^)


Jana said...

oooo i started young too and i rather like your time line...i could use another of my own though....wait what?

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

LOL this is so completely true!!

I want some more... just one. Or maybe two... I don't know... a few.

Anonymous said...

Makes me want another! Or maybe, just maybe, I will go to work on Monday and borrow one for a few hours! Your timeline was perfect!

Pam, mom, honey, said...

i love this. and man is it true

sanjeet said...

love this gorgeous new blog look you have! And good quotes too, because my brain was pretty turned off, and not I'm starting to think again. I thank you for that.
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