An Experience for Even the Most Discerning

For those of you who either don't know or need to be refreshed, Matt and I are Frasier lovers. We are now the proud and depressed owners of the entire 11 series on dvd. Proud because it's been a long-held dream of ours to be able to watch any episode any time we want to (sad, I know). Depressed because there is no episode that is surprising anymore. The thrill, while not gone, is diminished. We can see the opening scene and instantly play out the rest of that story in our heads. This doesn't bother me as much as it bothers Matt because I love re-watching shows into the ground, while he would prefer to rarely watch anything twice. Nevertheless, there it is. We own them all.

Frasier and Niles (Frasier's brother) are...how do I put it nicely? "Delicate doilies" I believe their father once said. They go to spas, they play squash, they driver expensive cars and own things like matching coffee cup sets from the 17th century. Niles once said,

"I'm learning to be handy. I finally decided I'm too dependent on other people, so I started "doing it myself." And let me tell you, I'm a totally new man. I bought my first work shirt this morning, and tonight I'm tackling the squeaky clasp on my cigar humidor."

Anyway, before I lapse into a big run of Frasier quotes, let me get to the point of this post. Above all, Frasier and Niles love wine. They are part of the Wine Club. They are very hoity-toity. I admit, that like Donna and chocolate, I have always wondered why I don't like wine. It seems like such a very sophisticated, cultured taste to have. I wish I could love wine. Now it's true I've never tried the really expensive stuff, and maybe that makes a difference. But if I have to spend over $100 a bottle to enjoy wine, then obviously this isn't the thing for me anyway. (Yes, I know Niles is holding sherry here, and NOT wine...and now you do, too.)

I received a pair of Italian-styled figurines from my mother-in-law this week, as she was cleaning out her house pending a move. They begged to be put in my already-full kitchen. And they begged for some other Italian-styled items to be placed near them. And when figurines beg, you just can't turn them down. So I picked out a milky white pitcher and decided I would buy some of those crunchy thin Italian-type "breadsticks," which we all know is misnomer since they are not chewy and bread-like at all. But they do give off an Italian vibe, and that's what I wanted. Plus, they're cheaper and longer lasting than fresh flowers unless your husband and children start munching on them. I then thought within my little decorating soul, and decided that I should also buy a cute, but cheap, bottle of wine. Since I could not foresee drinking it, it would be long-lasting too. (My "breadsticks" are not this yummy-looking. Mine really are the crunchy kind, but these looked even prettier.)

So when I was at Meijer, I started perusing the wine section. It's a cute wine section, from a decorator's point of view...although not as amazing as the one directly above. Gosh, I wish I could like drinking wine, but I just like looking at it. Anyhoo, I started at one end--logically--and started reading price tags. When I said I wanted a cheap bottle of wine, I meant like 4 dollars. My budget for frivolous decorating is minuscule this week. All of the bottles at this first end were at least $7 a bottle!! I could've bought an empty wine bottle at Treasure Mart for that much!! So I thought to myself "what the heck kinda wine section am I in, anyway?!" Up above my head, the sign read "Sparkling" and "Italian" and I thought "ahhh, the hoity-toity stuff." I cast my eye down the line and read the following: "French," (no) "Australian," (huh? who would've known there was wine specifically from Australia?) "Import," "Chardonnay," (definitely not) "Merlot," (sounds so elegant) "Pinot Noir," (isn't that French too?) "Pinot Grigio," (ohhh, maybe Italian?) "Domestic," (Niles: Do these chocolate shavings look different to you? ... Well they do to me. I think that they've switiched to an inferior domestic brand. Mm-hm, mmm-hm -- waxy!) and finally..."Economy" (ha ha ha!!! I didn't even know they had an "economy" wine SECTION! But that's what I wanted, all right. Economy wine!) and it got better..."Boxed"(hahahahaha! I don't know why that's so funny to me, except that it was beyond the economy wine. And that boxed White Zinfandel was a frequent wine at my parents' house when I was younger. And somehow...in view of Frasier and Niles, it just tickled my funny bone. So I had to stop and write them all down so I could tell y'all about it.)

No, I didn't buy any cheap wine today. Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. After adding a few last-minute necessities to my grocery list (and yes, gentlemen who may be reading/scoffing inwardly, face lotion and half and half for my tea may seem silly to you, but are necessary) there was less money for frivolous decorating. So I re-evaluated my tableau and put to work my unopened bottle of Made in Italy Balsamic Vinegar. Ta-da!




A final scene to end our time together:

A couple of weeks ago, I was telling the kids about my aunt Gail, who was flying from Seattle to Indiana for a visit. Chandler looked at me with round and wondering eyes and said, "but Mom, how can she get from Frasier's world to ours?" Poor child. Don't worry, we've cleared that up.

And yes, to answer the question that is aching in the back of all y'alls heads, yes I did try, very hard, to figure out if it was possible to make the opening picture of a wine glass smaller. And it is. But the sad fact is: I just like it big. Don't worry, it was much, much bigger to begin with. Aren't I kind to you?