Thursday, May 21, 2009

My turn-around...I guess.

In Beth Moore's Esther study, she uses her bird dog Beanie to illustrate how God moves us sometimes. Beth says that sometimes she and her husband and Beanie will be going for a walk and the dog will stop, frozen, in "full point" (evidently a bird dog term for what they do when they see a squirrel). Until Keith (her husband) picks Beanie up (still frozen) and turns her in another direction, she can't move forward. Her full attention is on that squirrel and she can't see what she's supposed to be doing (walking) because of it.

That's not how Beth said it, but it's the basic story. She compared this to how God will sometimes have to pick us up and do the same thing, because we're "stuck" someplace.

That happened to me this week. I guess. I'm still kind of wondering how I could've been in the wrong place and not known it. It came as such a shock for me, because it wasn't anything glaring and sinful.

One of my friendships ended, against my desire, and for reasons that seem to me ridiculous at best and conniving at worst.

How many times in a few days can you ask God "why?" It seems He doesn't have a limit, which is a good thing.

Finally after it seemed there was no other option, I knelt down (I have to admit, I don't usually kneel when I pray, but it seemed fitting) and gave up. I asked God to help me release the situation and the friendship. I prayed I would be able to get over it--both for my own healing and for the sake of my poor husband and mother, who have been my sounding board as everything was going down.

Early on, when I didn't know the friendship was ending, when I didn't know that it was more than just a rabid misunderstanding, my husband said "why does this feel like a breakup?" And upon much deep thought while I waited for the kids to fall asleep at naptime, I realized that it *did* feel like a breakup.

In high school, it seemed like a frequent type of breakup was as follows:

Nice girl who doesn't like to hurt feelings, but doesn't like current boyfriend
Boyfriend who doesn't want to believe that it's over, despite overwhelming evidence
Long, drawn out breakup with many awkward interactions until it's "over"

As I sat pondering this, I found myself hoping I wasn't the dumb boyfriend.

But if you have to ask...??

* * * * * * *

On my way home from Ohio last night, I was indulging in one of the few secular artists that I listen to and was struck by the lyrics to the song "Many the Miles" (I'll bet you could've guessed the title without my help).

I do what i can wherever i end up
To keep giving my good love
And spreading it around
Cause i've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes
I've learned how to cry
And i'm better for that

How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
Many the miles
How far do i have to go to get to you
Many the miles
But send me the miles and i'll be happy to follow you Love

* * * * * * *

A friend at Bible study comforted me unknowingly when she told me the story of the boll weevils. Evidently they destroyed all the cotton crops of a southern region of our country during the Great Depression. Instead of despairing(or perhaps despairing only for a few days?), the farmers turned to different kinds of crops that could withstand the boll weevils. The farmers turned a better profit from these different crops than the cotton had before.

So the moral is that we should thank God for our boll weevil experiences...which is what I was trying to say way back at the beginning of this wild ride (that is, if there are any of you who are left). I guess my analogies go better at night when the children are asleep and quiet.


Sasha said...

hey you... I just have to say that I went through a horrific friendship breakup that I never saw coming and would have though impossible, and for two years asked "why" every day... I don't know how similar the details are but I know the feelings you must be having, and if you ever want to email directly back and forth, I'm at I totally get it, and you might need a listening ear... I know I sure did.
Hang in there today!

Sasha said...

okay just left you two comments on my blog... you are stinkin' hilarious today!!

Sasha said...

Me again Dahling...

Just nominated you for an award on my blog. :)

Much love,